Courting death

I've been courting death recently. Not mortal death, although pedantics would argue that death means the ceasing to live of something that is living.

So can relationships, for example, be considered dead because they cease to be? Can projects die because they don't reach the intended outcome? Or not? I don't know.

The death I've been courting is that of my belief in the strength and power of faith. If I lord faith, I fear I will indeed part with my precious life. You see, I'm not a well person. In fact, I'm pretty fucken sick. If I were to lose faith I would die.

There are so many things I have to have faith in.
Faith in prayer.
Faith in miracles.
Faith in the doctors.
Faith in medicine.
Faith in love.
Faith in support.
Faith in myself.

I believe the most important faith of all, is faith in myself and I'm losing that. I can't fight anymore.

But because of the faith in love, and the fear, that if I die, those I love will be so mad at me for giving up, I'm checking myself, and admitting it's hard. So Faith In Support can sustain me.

A time to part

There comes a time, in all forms of relationships, when we must part. As sad and as heart wrenching it is, we must say goodbye and let go.

This isn't one of those, "let it go and if it comes back to you... fuck fuck" pieces of crap advice you hear all the time from losers who can't accept it's over.

I rarely ever cling to anything, or anyone. Because people will always let you down. Yet I'm human, I get attached just like any random Joe Soap. And it's time to detach.

So without further ado and histronics farewell to the following:
1. The friends I made in Durban. - You made my stay so awesome and I wish you all the best. Without you I would have never ever craved the Victoria Street Market more ventured beyond the safe confines of what was familiar.

2. To the friends I made in Joburg - Some of you I no longer speak to but I remember you fondly and wish you well. I have tracked you since we parted and know you're alright. I'm alright too.

3. To my past - I lay you to rest.

4. To my former reading list - We're to seperate now but I am happy you taught me some things.

6. To Size 36 - You're a thing of the past now! Fuck off. :)

Unsuprisingly, I'm ambivalent.

Seems to me I'm chasing rainbows by starting blog again. Who actually cares about the hum-drum goings on of my life? Possibly noone but my self.

No matter. I have been trying to find readers but it's been such an uphill battle. Mainly because I haven't found something that really grabs me. A cursory look at the last three posts often tells me whether or not I will enjoy the reading. The title is also very important. :) Because mine always invariably have nothing to do with anything.

Brainwave! I'm going copy a blogging model I saw and see if that won't get me readers? Oh yeah! Wait till I dazzle y'all. :)

now dazzle me.

Starting Over - Again

I'm not sure if the people who knew me before will even recognize this me. But I don't mind if they don't.

This new blog is your run-of-the-mill rant and rave that abound around. Don't judge me.

Okay, let's go. I'll hunt down some readers shall I?