Something to ponder

I'm amazed at how self-destructive I can be.

Honestly. Take today for example, I am supposed to go to the bank to get some money so I can buy groceries. But that would include getting properly dressed, combing my hair and getting out of the house. I'd rather just not have ice cream, run really low on facewash and bake my own bread. :)

Although, really, I'm scared to go to the bank because I'm whittling away the merger balance and have to face the reality that I need some cheddar to come in. I have two checks due at the end of the month but they'll probably be late, I'll have to chase them down and by that time I will have accrued some debt. The vicious circle of middle-class.

But most self-destructive is my perchant to ruin every good thing I have. Forget for a minute the possibilty that I look like a hair crazy mad woman wearing old sweats and think of me as I see myself every time I take a bath. A sexy, beautiful glistening goddess of perfectily proportioned parts. Why on earth wouldn't the rest of my life be as harmonious my ass is with my legs?

I have the answer. I'm negative. I expect and therefore always get the worst! The double jeopardy of this breathtaking. While I'm never surprised when things go wrong, I draw a sense of macabre satisfaction at having prepared for it but still get disappointed that I wasn't surprised by something else.

So, while I doubt I'd be able to change being negative, I've made a resolution to keep it to myself. Because I've realized it is contagious and poisonous.