This is for the wimmin!

 Let Us Wear Tights!

Girls, the incessant rubbing together of the thighs when you’re a size 36+ is sooooo not on!! By the end of the day you’re rubbed raw and frantically looking for the Zambuck to soothe “ukutshabuka”! (I don’t know the English word for this!! HAHAHA) Embrace the tights. Choose between black, navy or beige and get a few! Also, they’re great for those sisters with the Jelly Thighs! WOO! Right?

Let us Find Our Favorite Pads and Stick to them!

Yes, it’s nice to experiment! Of course! But woman, make up your damned mind! What the hell is up with women standing staring at the variety of sanitary wares for ages in that aisle? You have not just got your period. You’re not a teenager who stopped shoving the tampon up before it settled and spent the class period (pun truly unintended *smirk*) feeling like someone left a sledge hammer up your wazoo! You’re now a woman whose brand has been established so that you can randomly send your lover/husband/bootycall out to grab them when The Twins make an untimely visit!

Let us Use the Panty liner!

I know I know! I harp on this too much!! But girls, they weren’t invented just for those women who take the morning after pill and are now spotting incessantly! Honest! Let’s set the scenario; “You’re at your boyfriend’s and have just come back from a LONG day wearing WHITE panties. He wants to get his freak on and as he de-panties you viola! Your immaculate white panties with the unmistakable trace of NORMAL female discharge as your vajayjay spent the day self-cleaning undoubtedly in preparation for this very moment (well not reall but…) I think there is the tiniest moment when both of you fondly recall the days when you took the pre-shag bathroom break to make sure all soldiers were in port (everything was perfect)! Panty liners girls, get familiar! A dirty panty is a stink panty!

Vajazzle!

Come on! Let’s stop with the pretence! We all fear that our lovers/husbands/bootycalls will on day leave us for a vajazzled tattooed sex goddess who tattoos his name is glitter on her vajayjay! Get there first! VAJAZZLE for LOVE! Do it! Do it soon. Besides, the sex life has hit the dumps and you’re already lying and saying missionary makes you “feel closer”! Liar! You’re too lazy to “trim the lawn” and when he’s on top he thinks it’s romantic to stare maniacally in your eyes for a “connection” and never realizes he’s losing his precious manhood deep in a miniature Amazon Forest. You don’t mind because you have to work out your To Do list!

Don’t Take it too Seriously!

Everything happens because your enemy is better organized than you are! Relax! HAHAHAH

Love you kids!

J