Madonna and Child

The relationship between mother and child is sacred.

That statement has served as an irrefutable truth as long as I have been old enough to understand it.

Many children would vow they would lay their lives on the line for their parents; and many parents claim they would kill to protect their offspring. I don’t know how true this is for anyone reading this but I have serious reservations about consciously laying my life on the line for anyone, including the two responsible for my existence.

Think about it, as a parent myself I have thought about it, (I fear this will result in some making adjustments about their opinions of me), while a woman is pregnant she has two choices; she could either resent the distortion of her figure (even fat people have a figure) or she could choose to be excited about being a mom. And so begins the journey of choice:

Choosing to keep the baby

Choosing to embrace the morning sickness

Choosing to love the baby

Choosing to believe you are bonding with the baby

Choosing a natural birth to guide your baby into this world

Choosing his/her name

Choosing to breastfeed

Choosing disposable over towel diapers

Limitless choice.

Love is choice. We all acknowledge that, well those of us who are smart anyway, you choose how and whom to love. So why should the love between mother and child transcend choice?

When the neighbours see that your child is shaping up to be the neighbourhood bully and budding psychopath, as a mom you choose to love him/her nonetheless. You choose to believe that your love (unconditional to the flaws your child displays) is enough to convince your child to not be a bully. You aren’t blind to the faults, but you believe that love will conquer them.

When your child reaches his/her teens, when it is “acceptable” that they will become monsters, that they will tell you they hate you about a million times a year, when they will be convinced you don’t understand; as a mother you choose to love them. It would be just as easy (or difficult) to wash your hands of them. In fact, I will wager that if the law allowed it, you would welcome the chance to kick them in the arse and show them the door. Because honestly, who wants to deal with a barely-out-of-diapers toerag who thinks they know everything?

But as a mom, as a parent, you choose to love your child. You choose to trust that your love will be their salvation. As they tentatively enter adulthood, you are there, like those cops who run around with the trampoline beneath a would-be suicide jumper, hoping to cushion the falls they will undoubtedly experience. You want to protect them from harm, you trust your love to be their wings should they wish to fly.

But then the tide turns, the adult you know as your child is not someone you raised. Your love was not enough to communicate the good things you wished on him/her. Is the relationship between mom and child still sacred then? Because there is no longer a child; just two adults; one older than the other. Your child recalls faults she or he may have felt too young to point out.

“Remember mom? Remember when you helped me cover up accidentally killing the neighbour’s dog?”

“Mom do you remember when you spoiled me instead of teaching me?”

And as a mother you see more clearly; or at least you know now that choosing to love your child
will not make them someone you “would” love. The realisation comes that had you to meet this person at a party; it’s likely you wouldn’t even like them.

As parents, are we allowed to even allow those thoughts to dance a merry jig in our heads? Can we be so arrogant as to then blame ourselves when our children do not turn out to be what we wanted them to be? If they do, what have we done with their free will?a