For Love or For Money?

My friends and I have no doubt women who use men for money are basically your run-of-the-mill whores. Although they don’t stand in street corners soliciting favours from strangers, they are peddling their bodies, company and “love” for a price. However, women who practice this will deny it to the ends of the earth. In my view there is nothing wrong with this behaviour, as long as you own up to it.

I actually had a fall-out with someone who was clearly dating a man for his money. Every time she mentioned him it was about how much money he made and how much she had managed to cream off him. But it emerged to be a grave mistake on my part to start referring to him as her “wallet”. As long as everybody pretends that you are experiencing the by-product of a great love affair and not that you are a kept whore it seems okay to be one. It’s kind of like someone pointing out that you are ugly.

Just not done.

But in a “normal” relationship, where neither partner is more loaded than the other but rather  comfortably getting by and paying societal dues, the money issue is a bloody minefield. Women are programmed to believe that the man ought to pay for everything while the man has a penis ego problem that leads them to wanting to pay for everything. One of the most basic ways I believe conquers this stumbling block in a new romance is; if you instigate the date you pay for it. This will also help establish a certain rhythm to the relationship in which we both know what we can afford without having to show each other our pay checks.  The issue of mini-breaks is no different. Let’s share the expenses unless you expressly want to spoil your partner.  

Of course my theory is not the dating bible. We all have different expenses on a month to month basis, so one half might take the other out more often than not. In such cases, if it makes one (the one with less eating out budget) uncomfortable improvise by way of cooking for your partner at home. Dating should not be so “going out centric”. Or at least, going out where money needs to be used.

Then comes the shopping and the hair, as a black woman I will speak only from the perspective. Black woman hair maintenance is expensive, whether it’s natural or not. Unless you are willing to cut your hair like Alek Wek, you’re stuck being a slave to hair maintenance.  On average, one hair appointment costs about R300, and this is a once a month deal. For the more ambitious costs starts from R500 – it’s expensive. Some have to change their hair every two weeks.

It seems some black women believe that a man they are dating should have financial input on hair maintenance. It appears that a black woman shoulders the responsibility of looking sensational  only until she snatches a man, once one is hooked the torch is then passed on to him. I don’t know what happens to the money she used for her hair once she has a “hair allowance”.

“I want to go to a party at my friends but I have nothing to wear!” is a familiar sentence many women say. And often it’s bollocks. Independent women say this to their reflections in the mirror or their best friends on the phone. Some say it in a whiny voice to their boyfriends. While your man found you a fashionista (or at the very least not walking around naked) you somehow fool him into believing this is now his responsibility. How? Why?

In an ideal world finances would be kept out of a relationship until you get married. Because we have all heard how some men complain bitterly how a woman took all his money and never even put out. And we know women who won’t put out unless there is money as a reward. This minefield makes it really hard to know what is right and what is wrong?

Should a woman expect a man to financially support her if they aren’t married? Should a man expect a blowjob for every shopping trip he springs for? What are the rules in your relationship?