Girlfriend Art Thou Horny?

I have no idea what has got into teenagers (and some older women); but it appears that being horny in fashion. They have taken to taking all sorts of pills and medicine to make themselves horny. I’m truly at a loss as to why a person who is healthy would need a chemical stimulus in order to experience sexual arousal. It seems to me that being unburdened with a wild libido might be a blessing to be honest.

But this is not about me and my libido. It’s about teens taking a drug called ‘kuber’ (which I understand to be a chewing tobacco) in order to get aroused. According to the internet kuber rots your gums and some claim it rots your privates if you apply it down under. Although it is mainly women who use this drug apparently men can also use it.

I have found no conclusive evidence that kuber increases your libido or arouses you but users believe so and that is the main thing. With the convergence of Pakistani and Chinese shopkeepers into rural areas, kuber was introduced. In one particular village the primary school principal felt compelled to call a meeting with the Pakistani shopkeepers to address the problem of his learners using kuber.  They threatened to have the shopkeeper removed from the village if he continued to sell the drug to children even though it is technically not illegal in South Africa.

Recently a principal (from the high school) realised that some kids were missing from school and they were a group rumoured to be ‘addicted’ to kuber. He went to one child’s home (her parents were not home) and found the group assembled there in various stages of undress; a kuber induced orgy if you will. There can be no doubt that there is cause for concern.

There is also an increase in the availability of actual libido pills targeted at both men and women; the next time you’re standing in a queue at Pep Stores, look around, you will see some dodgy looking pills. When I was growing up I didn’t even know that you could rig things in your favour and turn up the volume on you libido, THANK GOD! Ha ha ha.

There is also that tobacco called ‘snuff’ that mostly sangoma’s smoke? They shove it up their nostrils and it makes them sneeze? Well the kids have found another use for that too. Apparently if you put a pinch in your holiest of holies you get a few pleasant minutes. The sensation has been described as an orgasm by those in the know. I supposed the old-fashioned “tiptoe through the two lips” requires too much effort?

In other scary things I have heard women do to their vaginas for the satisfaction of their men;

·         Using a range of “Chinese sweets” which claim to be aphrodisiacs

·         Rolling up some newspaper and putting it down there (a la tampon) to make sure you are “dry” because a wet woman is a slut. (?)

·         Shoving ice down there to make your “passage” swell up because men don’t like it when you’re “big”. Ever heard of Kegel exercises?