Courting death

I've been courting death recently. Not mortal death, although pedantics would argue that death means the ceasing to live of something that is living.

So can relationships, for example, be considered dead because they cease to be? Can projects die because they don't reach the intended outcome? Or not? I don't know.

The death I've been courting is that of my belief in the strength and power of faith. If I lord faith, I fear I will indeed part with my precious life. You see, I'm not a well person. In fact, I'm pretty fucken sick. If I were to lose faith I would die.

There are so many things I have to have faith in.
Faith in prayer.
Faith in miracles.
Faith in the doctors.
Faith in medicine.
Faith in love.
Faith in support.
Faith in myself.

I believe the most important faith of all, is faith in myself and I'm losing that. I can't fight anymore.

But because of the faith in love, and the fear, that if I die, those I love will be so mad at me for giving up, I'm checking myself, and admitting it's hard. So Faith In Support can sustain me.