Thursday, March 25, 2010

The meme that ended BADLY!

I found this on Twistygirl's blog and pilfered it for myself. I love memes because I’m good at answering.

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?

Summabitch died! There I was happily looking forward to our nuptials and he went on a rowing trip; then topped it during a nasty car accident. I was sitting in the audience of the SAMA’s when I found out. I’m still proud I didn’t scream the house down.

2. When was the last time you shaved?

I waxed my legs three days ago. I was getting little Mrs Doubtfirey!

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.


No bleeding clue. Between leaving messages for TJ and making breakfast

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?

Leaving a message for TJ. Now I know it looks like I leave a lot of messages for TJ but you would too if you man was a hunk of sexy!

5. Some things you are excited about?

Spending my dad’s birthday with him.

Checking on my home industries shop this weekend.

Looking for a spot to build my new house.

6. Your matric farewell night, what do you remember about it?

Selling an obscene amount of cigarettes and marking up the watered down whisky to almost twice its value. I made so much money I forgot to get drunk myself.

7. Last thing received in the mail?

Outstanding bills!!! If you come across some money lying around, give it to me!

8. How many different beverages have you had today?

Apple juice, coffee, water

9. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?

I draw my kids and TJ’s actually. And take photos of my artwork.

10. Any plans for Friday night?

Cooking supper for my dad and then making smores and watching him drink a whole bottles without appearing to get drunk.

11. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?

The last time I was at a beach the wind blew my hair in a way that makes TJ look for a “pocketful of treasure” or jump my bones! So YES I like what the ocean does to my hair.

12. Where do you keep your change?

My daughters thieves it! Well not really, keep a lot in my car.

13. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?

It’s been so long. I actually miss it!

I can’t believe the questions are over! BUGGER!!!!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's my BAG BABY!!!

This is a meme I started a LONG time ago. I never actually did it myself but people I blogged with did and I am now taking my turn! Enjoy! And if someone comes across it and likes, do it and tag me.

1. My Make Up Bag – Therein lie my secrets. Actually I only ever use it if I find myself about to go a meeting with someone I am not familiar with. I hardly ever wear makeup. Sometimes when out with friends I do dress up my face; mostly I use the lip balm or lipstick in this bag. It also contains my surgical razors which come in handy on so many different situation, a lighter and a firecracker. The fire cracker and lighter are for when I am in danger. I’ve tried this before and it works. But you have to be pretty fast. I have a fire cracker and lighter on in the car as well.
2. My Bangle – I was probably wearing it and it started to irritate me so I put it away. I am wearing shades of that colour today.
3. Notebook 1 – Its about three years old and makes for riveting reading really. Little notes I keep living myself.
4. Revolving Notebook – This is the one pages get torn out of; I change it about once every month.
5. Pack of Cards – I play Solitaire whenever I have to wait anywhere and I don’t feel like Twitter or Facebook.
6. Hairspray – My fro needs to SHINE!
7. Sunhat – I need this, it’s been bleeding hot and I can’t get any blacker without being mistaken for a Nigerian and persecuted by disgruntled South Africans. Besides, I don’t want to get skin cancer.
8. 2010 Diary – Who can actually live without one of these. No matter how much I try I just cannot do the digital thing.
9. Coacoa Butte Cream – For when needed.
10. Nail Brush – This little tool is indespensible really. I mean, one moment you have clean nails, the next something is stuck in there!!! A little waterless hand wash and this baby will get you up and going!
11. My Camera – My babycakes TJ bought this for me. I am now a regular Japanese tourist and will often be found click clicking away in arb places.
12. Clutch Bag – Sometimes I don’t need my whole bag, I pack my wallet, my phones and lip balm in this little baby and I’m off. Leaving the big bag in the car.
13. Hair Brush - I don’t know what that doing in there is. I use in when I have a weave though.
14. Centrum – Because we all need a boost!
15. Hand Cream – Stolen from the spa last week, it’s absolutely heavenly. It smells like a forest and makes my hand feel like a baby’s bum!
16. A book - If I can’t play cards or tweet while waiting then I read. Anything I can lay my little paws on.
17. Peg – As you can see its larger than normal. So MANY things need to be held together. I carry this in case of emergencies including some safety pins. Every bag I have has a safety pin and a peg in it.
18. Miscellaneous Bag – Wet Wipes, some cotton swabs, today’s nail color, nail polish remover, breath freshener, chewing gum, comb anything I can squeeze in here. I also often carry a balloon or a condom. Both to carry water or liquids in.
19. My Wallet – Mostly empty of cash. Just cards.
20. Phone – This one belongs to my daughter actually. I’m supposed to be dropping it off at repairs. I’m using mine to take the photo.
21. Charger and Plug – I can’t go anywhere without these!!!!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Sigh (no other headline would suffice)

I'm currently just barely holding on to my patience in many areas of my life.

The final blow came in the form of my daughter, pre-senior year and therefore thinking tiresomely about the "future", who seems to think she's destined to be a fashion designer after years of wanting to be in politics, law or medicine.

Yesterday she was showing me brochures of this college that teaches fashion design blah blah blah! Arg!

I wanted to say, "you will study law, you will get a degree, you will get a job and then, only then will you be free to pursue your stupid dreams!"

I'm probably a bad mother. But the thought of funding a fashion design degree for such an intelligent child just pisses me off. I'm also aware that I wanted to be a lawyer and could possibly be living through her. But more importantly, I do not believe she has the staying power to pursue a career in the arts. She's a very clear cut person and I somehow doubt she'll be able to kiss ass as incumbent. As I said, I'm probably a bad mother but all this is just making unreasonably angry. It's like another fucking thing not going write.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Raining good memories

I started this post yesterday then lost it by inadvertantly closing the page without saving. I was rather annoyed by this because I had done a brilliant job writing off the cuff. Now it'll just suck. Anyway, I will remember to save a lot today.

So imagine you're walking on the wonderful slow lane of life. Everything seems in perfect harmony. Please note, not everything is perfect, it's in perfect harmony. The oven isn't working very well, it burns at the back, but you've embraced baking in the microwave. See, at the back of every bad, you've learnt to find the good. So the you are chilling on slow lane, exploring inner peace, quintessentially Buddhist when KAZAAM SHASHABOOEY!

It all seems to EXPLODE in your face and you're left wiping gunk off your glasses and trying not to taste a splattering of gore on your lips.

In times like these I often find it is better to do what I suspect artists do, look at a mess of color and see beauty. For you see, when something goes wrong in your life and more often than not, things that trip you up in that magnitude are things involving other people. Your lover, your children, your siblings, your parents. Take your pick.

And so I looked for beauty. The mess looked like a big vomit after a drinking binge. In the fiery red of last night's lobster I saw the laughter as we tackled the ill-fated crustaceans. Today it lay in a muggy cluster, a ball of confusion. In the yellowy gooey bile you can detect the wine that was consumed generously leading to merriment and loosened tongues. The peas, not yet digested show you that you really ought to chew more thoroughly.

If you're frowning in concentration trying to make sense of this right now don't worry. It doesn't make sense. Expect insofar as to explain my theory of looking for the good in the bad. The crisis that I had has not passed, but it's power over my mind has lessened. I do not obsess about how devastating it could be if I cannot fix it, rather, I remember how good it was before it come along and know, that out of this mess, something much more beautiful, will result. I only have to pick up the brush and paint anew.

So far the canvass is empty. But I have other things to keep me occupied until I can deal with the problem.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I really hate shopping, my weekend and other stuff

Whiskey would make a great shopping companion. I often did things better three sheets into the wind!

I, unlike other women, despise the practice of going to a hundred shops fitting clothes over and over and over. I like clothes, but I usually just see a dress I like while grocery shopping, go into the shop and get it. I do not set aside an entire day walking around malls. I just needed that vent.

And thank the friends who ambushed my house bearing gifts, love and good wishes on Saturday. I'm totally grateful for reminding me that you are there whenever I need you.

After a few awkward conversations following a really big fight my best pal the big gay queen and and I are back to normal. Thank God! Even if he sometimes just passes by the house to put ice in his water bottle and air kiss me I miss him when he's not leaving a waft of cologne in his wake. Today he dropped by to check up on me because he said I sounded down in dumps on the phone. The lying rat, he is the one down in the dumps. I'm floating on top. :(

Anyway, better post next time! :)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

21 Questions

I've missed the meme world of blogging. The nonsensical questions, never-ending though they may be, that your online friends read religiously and comment, "OMG me too to numbers 3, 8 and 16!!" So I thought I'd dust off a questionaire I did in 2008 and put fresh life to it. Enjoy! I sure had fun answering!


1. Slept in a bed beside you: Hmmm... Go ahead and laugh laugh laugh!
2. Saw you cry: Nobody, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower and cried while I tweeted about how great life is. Basically lied.
3. Went to the movies with you: My Big Gay Pal, a few months ago. I don't know what we watched.
4. You went to the mall with: I went alone to hunt for a new phone. Fail!
5. You went to dinner with: TJ, on my birthday last year. :( I need to go out soon. Seriously trying to remember if I haven't been out since then? No way!
6. You talked to on the phone: Day before yesterday. I don't like her.
7. Said 'I love you' to and really meant it: Earlier today to TJ.
8. Broke your heart: My mother. The sad part is that she had this spot 2 years ago as well!!
9. Made you laugh: Some random Twitter person who said JZ might knock up the Queen during his state visit!


1. Pierce your nose or tongue: Tongue, my more is too cute to mess with!
2. Be serious or be funny: I find being funny eludes me and being serious makes me come of as scary. So now I settle for timid and unsure wall-flower act.
3. Drink whole or skim milk: Full cream please! I like to live dangerously! *wiggle eyebrows lasciviously*
4. Die in a fire or drown: I'm not ready to die, I haven't made my first million. But if I absolutely had to choose a way, in my sleep while dreaming about being with TJ.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies: My enemies, I'm done pretending to love my mom.


1. Simple or complicated: I’m a fucking LABYRINTH! This answer has not changed in 2 years. Ha!
2. Gay: No :( It would be such a good way to explain my dislike for my movies too!! But I can speak Lesbionic.
3. Hardcore: I've heard that's a category in porn classification, so TJ would be the best person to answer this question. Giggle


1. Flowers or candy: I can't stand both! :( I'd like some books or DVD's instead.
2. Grey or black: Both and the shades in between.
3. Color or Black and white photos: Chuh!!
4. Lust or love: I've learnt that the love of a good man can make a woman move mountains. And his sex too! :) :)
5. Sunrise or sunset: Sunset please, I love me some sleep and dreams!!
6. M&Ms or Skittles: Honestly! I HATE candy!
8. Staying up late or waking up early: Waking up early! I love getting stuff done as early as possibly then have a whole day stretching before me to do with as I please!


1. Sun or moon: Moon I guess, more natural for some slap and tickle with my baby!
2.Winter or Fall: Winter, Hurrah!
3. Left or right: Dumb question… well dumber than the rest anyhoo.
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends: 2 best friends
5. Sun or rain: Rain
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream: Blughr!
7. Vodka or Jack: Jack please! As old as you can get him! On the rocks. Doing a little dance. Yum yum.


1. What time is it: 20:20 believe it or not, the same time I did this before!! Cool!
2. Name: Patches
4. Where were you born: In a hospital
5. What is your birth date: Why?
6. What do you want: Money, lots of it. Well, just enough for my car payment.
7. Where do you want to live: A little quiet village.
8. How many kids do you want: I have enough, 2.
9. What would you want to name a girl: I've always liked Diana, till that British stick insect polluted the name!
10. What would you want to name a boy: Anthony-James. Yes written like that.
11. You want to get married: Not anymore.


1. Had a bf? A new one or my regular one?
2. Bought something you didn't need: A Harry Potter DVD but TJ bought it and I think we needed it.
4. Sang in front of people: Yeah, well I sang two lines for TJ.
5. Been kissed: Plenty.
6. Been hugged: Unfortunately, yes. :)
7. Felt stupid: Yes. A whole bunch.
9. Got drunk: Nope, but I spoke to several people who were drunk.
10. Got high: Nope. I can't even joke about drugs. Bad. For. One.
11. Danced Crazy: We have Hip-Hop Abs, we don't know how not to dance crazy!!
12. Gotten your hair cut: No, but I want to. Costs a small fortune to maintain my hair.
13. Cried: Oh yeah.
14. Lied: Despite what I said earlier, I haven't really lied. Life is great, I just have to believe that!